Neko

… yep, despite never being absent for more than 7 months.

The last time I remember being absent was December of last year. And oh my how I survived only being late twice and never absent since then. So ok, I finally decided to take a leave last August 7th, claiming I was “not feeling well”. Technically, I didn’t say I was sick did I? But much to my surprise my boss announced on the floor that “(my name inserted and withheld for security purposes) finally got sick!”

This I heard from some of the callers the next day soon as I came in. Now I wonder, how did he say that? Was it like he was praying for me to get sick? Impossible!

Why impossible you say? Actually I have filed a one week leave 5 months ago for a vacation next month and 5 months ago I remember him agreeing to that, or it seemed much like it. hmmm (?) Well he didn’t protest nor said no when the human resources agreed to my scheduled leave. So technically, that’s a yes huh?

Unfortunately, now that the date is nearing, and after a request in writing was sent (for formality’s sake and to remind everyone) he suddenly blurts out that I cannot take my leave! And I have to reschedule everything! WTF!

Brrr, just give me the space to rant here.. I can’t believe he is saying this! Everybody knows at work (well ok those who actually know me) - where I am going and who I am visiting, and that includes him! So why now? When everything’s in place, where every plan is ironed. And everything has been paid for and no reschedule is possible. Then I get a message that says “frankly, I don’t care really if it is paid or not.” Was he thinking? Doesn’t he know how difficult and time-consuming it is to secure all the papers that were prepared for this? It took months and favors from 3rd parties just to get a hold of all the documents.

Have I not served them well enough to get their money’s worth off me? Doesn’t the drowning schedule of staying up hours after shift and coming way too early before shift just to meet their deadlines and expectations (take note, that these extra hours are without pay) not justify my right to take my leave? This leave that was scheduled and approved 5 months ago!?

People at home are pushing me to resign. There are other companies out there who treat their people with respect and would even pay more. It’s a malicious way of keeping their employees and I am not morally obliged to them or him (my boss) in any way whatsoever! They are actually the ones bound to a signed document of that approval for absence.

But noooooo.. I still had the heart to not leave my projects hanging and just run off and think of myself. I still had the heart to think of training some agents to do my tasks when I am away. I still had the heart to think of the agents who get an almost equally and closer amount of salary to mine than mine compared to other supervisors who tend to not do anything and leave the office on the dot. And yet they get 30% higher salary than me with less than half the work I’m doing. And yet, we are tagged with the same title. And yet, another “and yet” they have used up more than half their leave credits already! And I… yes I (!) never was absent for almost 8 months!

It’s time for me to take a stand. I am not anyone’s rag doll. I used to but I had the energy once before to break off from that. And now I even have a greater strength than ever before! I shall take my leave. Whether they like it or not. It’s my right and it’s their obligation to give an equal treatment to all their employees. This is a well-deserved vacation and I’m too stressed out that I don’t have time for myself anymore. And that this opportunity may not come again – if yes, it will take some time or years even! I don’t wanna let this pass and think of this in the future for another lost “what if”.

If they let me chose, then I will chose my heart. Coz you will never know unless you take that leap!

—–
photo note: “Some days are better than others” by Revisions

…for Love?

Hmm… let me just itemize the things I do in an 8 hour shift, now that there are no more team leaders to assist me:

1. first, decide and print on the seat plan for the day.

2. gather up the agents for some reminders and updates before the start of the shift (sometimes I skip this, thinking the agents are old enough to recall doing the same thing everyday – although some still act childish)

3. check the attendance and send this as an email.

4. email the seat plan to the concerned department.

5. make an average of at least 15 emails in a day – sent to clients, managers and other department heads, of course taking note of the minutes spent in editing and pondering of thoughts.

6. photocopy the forms needed by the agents (if the building administrator is not around – which happens more often than not… zzzz)

7. staple these 40 sets of 15-paged forms plus plus (often tho, I make more than 40 so as not to repeat the same procedure twice in a day)

8. input the details of each complete call as they come – we are averaging 25 to even 40 in a day.

9. collect, sort and organize the appointments set by the few agents assigned to make appointments that will be called by the main outbound agents.

10. if the production for appointments is slow, assist by calling too.

11. answer queries of agents

12. for the past few weeks, one supervisor uses his leaves regularly because of some sickness, so when he calls to ask a favor or errand, I cannot refuse – but I do it with an open mind. (hope he gets well tho – and soon, please!)

13. reply to IM’s online – msn, aol, gmail talk, (some come personal, but much to my regret and most of the time, I tend to ignore them just to cater to the business-related ones) sorry I disabled my yahoo or else I might end up sitting on my cube all day - lol

14. at least double check the consistency of answers on each complete call written on paper, which is 15 pages long. (this one I am guilty of not doing all the time – hey what does T-I-M-E mean again?)

15. make a print out for the collection department, and walk through 2 departments just to go to the printing room on the far corner of the floor. (I find this a waste of time and how I wish the printer is only beside me…or at least have one) And yes, I do this 3-4 times a day.. sometimes even more if I need to print other documents

16. make sure that the cut-off set for collecting these completes for encoding are met twice or even 3 times a day (depending on the amount of completes per hour).

17. lunch break for 30 minutes (pfew! finally!)

18. meet up the agents for 5-10 minutes after the break, for reminders, updates and instructions (this is not mandatory everyday, but with the project we have, it is deemed necessary)

19. go to the other floor, leaving the agents on their own, just to listen to a minimum of 2 sets of 30-minute calls from the recordings which are bound for memos.

20. go back to the floor and call upon the agent doomed for memo or grading and accompany them to be witness on how the agent was graded.

21. go back to the floor again, feeling guilty at times for not having seen the mistakes on the forms and debating to oneself, coz the agents should have checked and/or known that what they wrote was inconsistent and/or wrong.

22. answer more queries of agents

23. update the board on the number of completes, per hour, per agent – so that everybody can see.

24. check the updates online and reply to clients’ emails if necessary

25. monitor the agents on random to check if they are dialing out, or to assist in some calls.

26. 10 minute-break (coffee, tea, or just water[!] and an occasional lucky strike lights [sorry- but I confess..] and toilet time- now don’t forget that) but most of the time I just let this privilege pass coz I have to do more important stuff. – yeah what’s more important than a puff of cigarette that will eventually destroy my lungs huh? What? What? Lol…

27. making sure that no agent goes over-break, sometimes to the point of looking for missing agents only to find some in the break room or under the cubes, sleeping, and yes the building admin is sometimes their sleeping-buddy… zzzz… so there you are!

28. answer the call or IM of a client or a manager.

29. ignore the gossips from behind just because somebody passed by my cube and said hi or chat a little, or even just to bug or punch my chair. (yes, this happens every forking day! Geesh! Haha- fork) – I think I’m hungry… Did I take my lunch? Or did I forget again?

30. be like a watchdog! make my presence felt on the floor by randomly manning the floor, coaching and checking on the agents, sometimes joke with them or catch people not speaking in English or sneaking food – without giving! lol

31. pressure the agents who still have no production for the day by announcing their names one by one – haha! I love this! (I think I’m getting my voice exercised enough – thinking how timid and aloof I used to be back in school)

32. remind the callers that we still have 30 minutes to dial before the end of the shift and they haven’t got enough completes yet. So, no peticks allowed!

33. at the end of the shift, make an announcement for the next scheduled appointments and organize the agents who I will assign for these.

34. collect the tallys and counts per agent

35. update the online count per project, per detail.

36. send out reports to the clients and managers

37. double check the data files, print if needed, and settle things to be done for the following shift.

…. All these are not scheduled yet, if I would write them as how I really do all these, and some repeatedly, you might build a monument for me! Well, they won’t call me Super-Jack Of All Trade-sor for nothing..

Ok, now that I am home, and all that was out (pfew!) time to update the agents schedule to be sent by email now – for payroll. And later, clean the list of 15,000 phone numbers to call for tonight.

Yes, when I have to do something, I tend to distract myself by doing another – at least I know I am still me. lol

—–
photo credits:
“My Desk” by tmertz
“Meltdown” by klycollins
“Dancing on the keyboard” by cypearl
“Work till you drop” by cypearl
“Looking at me” by marlysmand
“A workaholic’s breakfast” by Alex Jacek
“Rawwwwrrrrr!” by massdistraction

[Please refer to Part 1] WARNING: This post is full of rant, rant, RANT, bad karma, bad rep and bullocks! Ops, my bad..

Just when I thought it wasn’t a big deal, a rumor aflamed without my knowledge. (I recommend you to read Part 1 first before proceeding)

Rumor has it, that the Department Head I was to email and I had an argument. And this involved the head of still, another Department. (So let’s name them Dept. X and Dept Y) Dept. X is the one I was to email.

The Director of Dept. Y approached one of its Managers and asked if it was true. That I had an argument, a heated debate that is, with Dept. X Head and Dept. Y Head.

The Dept. Y Head was surprised to hear that, because no argument ever spurred among the three of us. Not even from between any of us. As a matter of fact, for the past 3 years, never was a project hit weeks or days before the deadline until now. The last 4 projects were a success that not even the data had that much discrepancies nor problems. Dept. X and Dept. Y consulted with me smoothly and things were in harmony until that senseless and baseless rumor started.

Basically, I really don’t care much about gossips. I find it a waste of time. I don’t get it how some people find pleasure in this petty minuscule act, as if they can’t live a day without starting a rumor or hearing one. But the problem here now is, the Directors have heard of it. And since Dept. X Head and I are new in our positions, we can’t afford any bad rep.

Is this a destabilization plot?

Dept. X Head and I talked about this. Strangely, on the same day, Supervisor Two, not Supervisor so and so, (Yes, another Sup!) sent an email thru our server. She has full knowledge that it is possible for a third-party or the Portal’s Admin to have access to this. But despite that, still emailed questions about some guy from our company who was courting me.

She claimed if somebody tries to get into my mail I can easily file a complaint. But, logically, that “somebody” have already read it before discovering “someone” had opened my mail. StupiOd! yep, s-t-u-p-O-i-d!

The thing that bothers me, is Supervisor Two is accusing that there is already a relationship between me and this certain unkown guy, although still asking who he is. The letter was basically guessing names, mentioning personalities and trying to puzzle out who the exact guy was. It ended with wishing me luck and happiness and asking for a reply, stressing if I’d like to.

Emotional Blackmail is what I call it. Geesh! A personal email at work!? If she liked to ask me something, she should have just approach me directly, IM’ed me or even emailed me thru my Personal Email Addy! But even thru mails, how would I know if she BCC’ed anyone?

But as I said, it IS a waste of time and energy for me to even listen to such things, so I ignored. Didn’t reply and just laughed AT her face, yes making her fully aware that I am laughing AT her! Though I didn’t know if she got what I really laughed about. I doubt it. HA!

The next day tho, Supervisor so and so resurrected from the grave, which is his obfuscating chair. Now, he IM’d.. as if can’t talk to me directly (and i was just two seats away), that the Director of our Department was meaning to ask me since last week, if.. (hold on to your horses ~) I was the alleged serial supplier of cookies and DVD’s to a certain Director. WTF!

And where in their pathetically pitiful minute world did they get such Bullocks!?!?

But what did I do? Let a stampede of horses run after him? nhe.. I just laughed and ignored the IM coz I have better things to do. I only replied after almost an hour when I was finished with my reports and emails for the client. That I haven’t had the slightest clue of what he was saying. He had to spell it out for me, because I am dumb. HA! yeah. yeah.

Yeah! like DUH… *poink* may a big bulldozer run upon their feet while standing on the pavement waiting for a ride… (see, I think I really should be scolded for being too nice)

Moral of the story:
(from a friend’s sms)
In dis lyf, u cnt
avoid gossip &
unkind words
frm oders.
Watevr u do,u
wil nvr please
every1..
Remmbr: if u
weren’t worth
anythin,dey
wouldn’t bother..
Smile =)

—–
photo credit: “Rumors chapter II - Exhauted after time” by josephine_again

I just saw a movie last Saturday night, about a revolutionist from Ireland, Michael Collins. Sadly, I wasn’t able to finish the film on HBO because of my remote control that suddenly controlled me!

Anyway, a quote from that film still moves me, “the best way to beat England is to ignore their power” (ok, not so sure about the exact words, maybe something like that). But the point in this line is “resistance”

I still can’t get over the fact that the Director (at my work) scolded me about being too nice. Yes, that is a big disadvantage when working in the corporate world I guess. Being too nice will lead to abuse. Abuse of others who power-trip.

And so, my case was, last week a Supervisor told me to email the head of one department to clarify something about one of the projects I am handling at the moment. It seems that he was not satisfied with my answer that he needs to hear it himself from somebody from that department. First, he disregarded my authority, but I didn’t feel that way then.

Before I was to do this, I insisted that I need not email that Department Head because I already talked to him. Still, he insisted that it should be documented. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the Director, passed by. And so I informed him that Supervisor so and so told me to send this certain email.

To maybe avoid my embarrassment, the Director talked to me when he was back in his office. He told me that I should know and be firm with my position… That I am not under any supervisor; that I don’t and should not take orders from them; that I go straight to him and should consult things with him first before making any steps. I should know when to decide and the decision should not come from any supervisor.

Maybe I am too nice indeed. But I was only avoiding being labeled as “bossy” again. Because I know I am not. The people under me by all means can call me bossy IF I feel I am one.

And now that Supervisor so and so is handling the same department I am in, he turned out to be 10X more bossy than I am. So I left those who previously labeled me under him. Now they suffer more.. they have seen what “Bossy” really meant.

The problem now is I am hearing complaints even down from the agents. And my heart goes to them because it was not that long ago since I used to be an agent too. So I know how they feel, more than those Sups and Leaders who’s been in their position for years.

Resistance. Ignore the power-tripper. This is where I stand. And I would only do things for the interest of the project and the agents.

I just hope the Director would clear out to the Supervisors as well, that I am not under them. That all concerns I would only address to the Director. And that’s that.

And to sum it up, the only thing that can control me is my TV remote control. Hehe.. CLICK! [x]

Hmm… Melody with Robin Guthrie… now that, I’m not surprised to see. I knew the first day i saw them play live, someday such a talent, will bring her somewhere.

Sugar Hiccup. The only local band who almost gained equal grounds to that of Cocteau Twins in this country. Well, ok for starters, Cocteau Twins aren’t popular in the Ph. It can’t even be counted in statistics how much percent of the population knew them, less those who knew them and didn’t like them that much. I guess, Goth will never be, and is never bound to fame - here in the Ph. (That is actually a positive comment). Well, what can i say? Sugar Hiccup is, if not the only, the first ethereal group in the Ph that had an album under a major label.

Ok, if asked now, i know i have not enough knowledge about the present local music scene. Pff! But, ‘Underground’ and ‘Alternative’ remains to be but a cliche here. And dreampop is starting to be a widespread misinterpretation. Blah Blah..

Hmm.. so why am i writing about a band formed in 1994 that had their first album a year later, then disappeared from the limelight a few years after the second album? Well, its because the stupid ones who thought they were a one-hit-wonder suddenly invades my private space.

I never got tired of their song “Five Years” but that’s not the only song they have. Yes, they are under-rated. Such a talent hiding from the populace. That makes them even more amazing! But, they are not “underground” and they need not any lyrics to prove what they are about.

Rant rant rave insane blah! Well, it’s just that a colleague who formerly laughed at my choice of music when they heard it from my pc, who said i listen to songs that makes you feel you wanna commit suicide the next day (not that i am offended by that, i instead felt thankful he/they didn’t like it and i need not explain and lecture them of what i am into), suddenly asks about Sugar Hiccup and suddenly hums ‘Five Years’ while dialing to call those Managers at work.

Whaaaat??!!

It was irritating when at the same week, he was singing a Micheal Bolton-ish thingy. I dunno who sang the song he was reeking.. i just know that, that is NOT music! haaaa… (so?! any violent reactions?!)

The immunity to those kind of songs being played loud, inevitably came to me when i started working at my present job. One has to place imaginary earplugs and daydream they exsisted to “unhear” what they are singing. It’s like you’re so sick of hearing the “Pinoy Big Brother” theme you suddenly appreciate the sound of voice mail box beeps instead, and find it amusing.

The thing is, its me and my big mouth i wanna shut too.

He was transferred next to my cube last night and bugged me about “how much do i know about Sugar Hiccup”… i first replied “you know, that’s why internet was invented in the first place. For research. Do you see a modem attached to me?”

The only reply I got was a blank stare.

Ok, i think he suddenly forgot what a modem is.

Good.

Ha!

But after a while, there he is again.. “what was the only line in the song?” I played dumb by asking what song. Oh, yeah Five Years.. I didnt answer and pretended i was on a call.

“They sound good, but i wish they sing more clear lyrics” I pretended not to hear that. But deep inside.. grrrrrr

Then after a few complete calls, there he is again.. Do they have an album? I said none, so he will shut up. But instead he probed about what other songs do i know they have. That’s it! I said the have compilations with other bands. And my accidental answering made him more interested.

“They have a cool name for a band. Where do you think they got that? My mom said when you have hiccups, a spoonful of sugar cures it”

Wanna play naive eh? Sure! So i said “oh, wasn’t it that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down?” Haaa! Now my readers know how old i am coz of that last line. (Yeah, it’s from Mary Poppins)

He said “NO?” with one eyebrow up, and a tone like wondering what i meant of that. He didn’t get it, so i just said “maybe your mom knows all your questions, why don’t you ask her?”

Then he threw me a piece of paper rolled as the size of a pencil’s eraser.

Grr! “This means war!”

Ok, to be able to make this 19-year-old stop bugging me, i blurted “Shut up, they got it from a song of Cocteau Twins ok!”

YIKES!

For a teener, he sure knows how to “probe for an answer”. haaa!

To cut the long discussion short, he asked me to burn him songs of Cocteau Twins! WHAAAT?? NO WAY!

“I don’t believe you dont have anything of that band.”

I said their first album was when i was merely 2 years old. so i dont have that. lol.. now that’s convincing (sarcatic tone) haa!

Well, today I didn’t show up at our Saturday overtime, i hope on Monday he forgets it. And I should just sleep this over huh?

Yeah..

—
related links:
Sugar Hiccup on AMG
Oracle / Womb - Albums of Sugar Hiccup

album where the song
“Sugar and Hiccup” can be heard :

  

Yes, i am late again.. but no! not at work…

But being online!

Gee… with the new schedule that we have, basing on US-Central Time, it’s nearly impossible to go online! unless I don’t sleep at all! sniiifff… and I miss My Moogie *.* sooooooo MUCH!

Updates with my walking life… I gave up installing the Nano ipod that will leave my hands in a week’s time… (more details on that later) And yep, I did have my digital cam fixed… but ahhh.. why is time so short these days!?? I don’t even have a contribution for Illustration Friday! And grrr.. grr… my obsolete mobile phone is running crazy! ever 4 seconds it shows “please insert SIM card” then after 4 seconds again power’s ok.. then after 4 seconds again it says i dont have my sim card in.. and all numbers in my phonebook is gone! ahhhh… whatta week of bad luck!

Now it’s raining outside.. I might get late now (this time for work) and I havent even heard the horny frogs yet! lol!

see yah…

—
photo credit: c.crane (hmm.. why do they call it “atomic” btw?)

My plans for this pic i made was make a poem or a prose. even thought of contributing this to PhotoFriday’s topic “metallic”.. well its a metal swing pfff maybe later..

when i saved this to flickr i renamed it “abandoing the past” but let’s just say i am just presently abandoning My present…

gee.. for starters.. a thing about my wonderful job is that not everything should be wonderful. In different culures, they see this as “slavery” in the 21th century!

Well, having mandatory overtime everyday for two hours.. and add full shifts on saturdays.. *sigh* now we are not allowed to get sick!

Yes, being in a six month probationary status (yeah, beacause I’m new) doesnt qualify me to have “leave credits”, making any absent - for whatever reason - unexcused! And first offense is… grounds for termination!!! Gee.. what if i really am that sick! You want me to call even if i vomit off the tables?? Well, it would be nicer if we have a clinic in the building then! Or a first aid kit somewhere… I have encountered employees who literally vomited or bleed their noses the night off… what a feast! well ok the only remedy was to go to the toilet. We have lots of tissue! bring your own pain relievers.. bring your own pail relievers… you know pail - for the vomits. eeew

Ok, ranting my remaining minutes away.. I feel like I’m in a ticking bomb.. and my formerly 24 hours due is cut down to now only 7 hours. well taking into consideration that I am expected to report for work like hmm.. 2 hours from now.. and still I can’t decipher how to make this letter I am required to write.

Ahhh!!! Panic. Panic.

I knew I shouldn’t have slept and made the letter instead!

sometimes I wish I was a full metal robot…

INTRODUCING!

My colleagues! (well, those who are closely related to me)

  

Pain - a major Neggie. Always saying “Oh Lord, Oh Lord. Please give me a complete call” But , yeah yeah tally board says she has 4 already!

Sinner - the craziest funny girl who always picks on Banger. She “can’t quit smoking. Not now.”

(Head)Banger - She wants Sinner to die. But we all call them “Best Friends”. Her head is a bit slipping out of the picture sometimes.

Lie - a funny always-smiling-girl, who claims she does know how to cry… (at home)

Folly - small but terribly hip girl who has a big crush on Xtheist.

Xtheist - yeah, Lie also has her eyes on him. He is a bandmate of a boy named End. And he is not fond of taking baths, but fond of sleeping. lol..

The Kill - Great producer, always more than 10 complete calls in a day, but sadly is sick of Absentism. oh, Lie likes him too, coz he looks like her X-BF.

Gay - nope. He is not gay, nor tri-sexual, nor a BI. He is just happy. And always have a spare cigarette to give. His mom cooks great too, always makes him bring a full box of food!

Germ - clamins to sell green tea soda “tomorrow” but never really brings any.

Fake - our beloved Team Leader. Wacky outside, Professional inside… (inside the office!)

Darko - a self-confessed OC (has Obsessive Compulsive disorder).. not that it is really something to be proud of.

Embalm - the GF of Darko who always says she is gonna breakup with him, but never really leaves his side.

*Obsessed - nope, she doesnt have OC like Darko. She is just obsessed in smiling.

Far Out - a psychologist psycho. Heavy smoker gal who kickboxes.

Sexy Far Out - Yeah, we have two Far Outs. But this sexy gal is Sinner’s Real Best Friend. They look so cute together… “18″ (thin 1 and bulgy 8 )

Black Widow - our dearest Mommy.. who always have a web and leg to give. Oh! I mean, ear, and shoulder. sorry..

Rusty - A pretty gal. Long haired and well dressed. Oh, and yeah, if Gold is fake, it rusts.

She Gay - The tallest gal that always have a “joke” to share.

Cheap Sell - mostly the source of She Gay’s jokes. Wacky, but according to her she is shy. Yeah.. compared with her sister!

*Waste Land - indeed, what a waste to remain a “man”…

Farts - A helpful tall guy. But does he fart? in the office? Lol.. I dunno! Don’t ask me!

Bratty O - very oooOhhh… she have a cute giggle and nice voice.

Bratty - yes, two Bratty’s too.. a rich kid spoiled Brat, (lol.. nhe..) who always gets picked up and dropped off by her Dad. tssk..

Swearing - the petite Team Leader, ok small.. who shouts big.. and claps everytime there is a complete call “Go people! We need two more from each before the break!”

Cannot - Another wacky guy. and Yes, he “cannot” last a day without laughing (and swearing) Yikes! He is interested in websites btw, and asks me to teach him. Hmm… 40 - 60 $? Ha! Well he doesnt know what a blog is tho.

Envy - He talks gibberish “German-Sputnik-Japanese” invented language. A tall hunk but pff! He have just crossed the border of weirdness, (erm, my border defenition btw)

Armpit - Our Boss from the land of apples and cowboys. OMG! Did I just call my boss “armpit”? Nope, he actually smells good! I like his perfume… once rode with him in the elevator. and my tongue just dried up and that 6 second-ride made my neck stiff as a statue. LOL

Then they would ask us to choose among ourselves who we would like to have on a dream date?! Erm…

And of course, would I spoil the fun by not giving me a Rude name too and be excluded in the list? I made this but Yeah.. go figure who am I tho! hehe…

And oh, why am I being so rude all of a sudden? Tssk.. I am not!

My Team Leader just said I am too sweet.. (in a negative way).. yeah I am! see.. (read above^)

And tomorrow the office will launch our own version of Lovapalooza.. hahaha!

—
note: I think if they find this… they might either fire me.. or Laugh…
It’s just a joke, ok. LOL…

* updates

Current Music: Blueboy - Imipramine
                    

   

Yeah i have lots of posts queued to be finished. But let me insert this posty of what happened today. (well ok, note that, this entry was supposed to be posted last Nov.30)

But first, the Music stuff: Unisex is the best album of Blueboy. Well, together with If Wishes were Horses. And they are among my list of fave fave band of all time! Tho, I havent admitted til now that Blueboy’s male vocalist is gay. MY siblings always tease me of listening to Brit Gay Pop.. and i always laugh at them some people just dont know what real music should sound like.. LOL.. its called indie, ok! but hey! what do they care? and in fairness.. i do not really care if he is. I also found out that the song “Self-Portrait” is alleged to be about Brett Anderson of Suede (*ehum) –”I, this nation’s narcissist laureate” is found within the song. Hmm.. maybe upload it tomorrow. coz today, i prefer listening to the frantic rush of “Imipramine” as it starts out “You say love can break a boy’s heart/ I say there’s no such thing.” Yeah.. just utterly perfect for today.

Why? you ask?

Coz J called today.. asking for me to take him back but then, passed the phone over to his new girlfriend. blah! so i told her iha.. you dont know anything. just go back to sleep. Coz boy, she they both sounded like they need to gargle and brush their teeths! peeyew!

For all they know i would file a case of adultery! bwahaha… if only i had a tape recorder…

But then again, lookie here, he was actually asking if he could just work things out. He would fix things. Well i told him, ok, do that. fix yourself and go away! and never show even any sign of your shadow to me! Imagine, him saying that while living in the house of the new gf and pff! is presently in the same room! (i can hear her saying something.. lol.. probably “put down the phone”?) haa…

well the thing is, i am presently satisfied with my situation, thank you.. and anything connected to him spells d-o-o-m and d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r! and excuse me, i had enough of being the punching bag for seven years. and i could only thank god my limbs are still complete.

Pff! so here’s one for him screw you! and good riddance! bon de’barras!.. Now let me just go back to where im at…

..pessimistic angel pessimistic angel pessimistic angel
grey stone circles in the grey rain
gallons of lillies white lillies white
i might loose my way and stumble fall into shallowness
shallowness pessimistic angel pessimistic angel

…out beyond the blue horizon where dreams
caress the night caress the night pessimistic angel

…but you can’t touch me this is my only life
freaking out on katie’s bathroom red tablets
screwing you screwing you - up! pessimistic angel
pessimistic angel

…imipramine you know what I mean the drug
that I need the drug that you need…
read full lyrics here >>

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note:
Thanks to this cool fansite of Blueboy for the lyrics..

i|mip|ra-mine (i mi’pre men) n. [IMI(DE) + PR(OPYL) + AMINE] a tricyclic antidepressant (trade name Imavate) used to treat clinical depression.

Music: Diamanda Galas - Wild Women With Steak Knives 1.66 MB
                    

~ FOREWORD ~ Back to the Darkside.. The title has nothing to do with the post btw. I guess if i listen to Diamanda Galas, someone, or even more (erm dunno how many will say) i will go straight to Hell. lol! Erm, is there “Hell” in the first place tho? Note too, that if i upload the mp3, to those who are curious to download, make sure you turn off the lights and light one candle (or even a bonfire if applicable), and put the volume real loud, before you press the PLAY button. }:-}

Today’s entry is a repost (with some additional thoughts) of my reply to a comment on Catholic Church says Bible is not All true. For an opinionated person, it would be highly recommended to maintain a blog, right? where, one can pour out what lurks inside one’s head. Funny how other people tend to hide, but drop strong words behind.

An allegedly “Ron4Truth” left his thoughts on that post. Well, of course i always welcome a healthy debate. But hiding behind anonymity makes the exchange of words seem one way (correct me if im wrong at this tho). And suffer the consequences of not having a link here too.. hahaha! or should i say.. ikikikik!

Claiming his battle for “truth” (judging with the affixation upon his name), let me quote him tho, and you, patient readers, be the judge:

   ”when I check out Scriptures on my own, that is what made
    me realize how wrong they are about sooooooooooo
    many things”

Tho in contrary to his end line..

   ”I’ve never seen anything in the Bible that is wrong, it is God’s word for us.”

Here, i am assuming he prefers to take “Scriptures” and “Bible” as two different sources or literature. hmm.. aint that confusing?!

Maybe i need to inform the readers, that i dont think i “need to know that the Catholic Church is NOT the ‘one true Chuch’ ” (as he said i should learn). In fact, i dont think i need to know which one is the false.

As i have said, im “fairly” satisfied on how i was raised. But it doesnt necessarily meant that i am satisfied by catholicism alone. And if there is one thing i learned, it is to accept the religion or belief of others. One need NOT judge a person by means of his religeous belief. And in fairness, i have known “Atheists” who are far more caring to other people and to nature, than hardcore catholics / christians, or any other practicing other religion or (even) paganism.

And to oppose what he claims of the “the bible” as telling us how to get to Heaven, it may be of his lone or others’ belief - that the ultimate end of being is reaching “Heaven”.. but I believe otherwise.

How would one define “Heaven” perse anyway? Is it not the ultimate feeling of satisfaction without placing one’s self in the center? Or is “Heaven” just a state of mind? Why would anyone aim at reaching a place where the only means of getting there is to actually die or get separated from one’s material body? Which in irony, others practice prayers and rituals to cope with living longer and healthier, in contrast to his desire to reach that place? Cant we just make our present place a “heaven” in itself as much as we can? (Taking note tho that “nothing is perfect” but also that, perfection is not the key to happiness) Should we wait til we actually die to experience what was called “Heaven”?

oh here.. an open ending. For i am no preacher, nor a wizard, to have “the answers”. But seeking answers to questions, is not the only way for fulfilment of wisdom. It is being open to possibilities other than what the norm dictates. Who knows, maybe Aliens really did created Man. or Lucifer fell from Mars (note that there are Bible verses quoted here)

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note: Free mp3 will expire in 7 days. Id like to know who played it more than once tho. hehe… here is a review of Diamanda’s Album where that song is included btw. Comments are always welcome. now Bite Me! };-}