Neko

This was an overdue post for Last week. The days prior to that has indeed brought a terrifying series of sleeplessness. It might be medical in nature - caused by the unhealthy sleeping habits of night-shift CC employees, or a side-effect of insomnia or could be messages from my sub-conscious.

Monday morning - I dreamt I was alone in the elevator heading for the Penthouse, the top floor of our building. When the doors opened, there was total darkness, except for the faint light coming from the emergency stairs on the far left side of the floor. It silhouetted a big box full of junk things that I couldn’t really distinguish. Then I whispered without moving from my place, “are you there?” But not really pertaining to anyone. Then when there was no answer, I pressed the close button then tried to press the 16th floor.

But to my fright, the panel where all the buttons are placed kept on moving up and down so fast that I was unable to press any button. I was jumping, then bending, just to catch its movement and press the 16th floor! Or any floor for that matter!

I normally ignore these rumors but on that day, as scared as hell, the door of the elevator opened at the 12th floor! It was all dark, not even a light from the emergency stairs were on! And when it finally opened wide, I felt a big bump of heavy air crash to me! I screamed and screamed moving my hands and arms in a way as like preventing someone or something invisible from attacking me! Wake.

Writing this now even gives me the goosebumps! Coz after I composed myself when I woke up, I took a shower and saw on my arm a wound slashed to my skin and a black spot like that of a heavy object had hit me.

Tuesday morning (after the Monday night shift) - I dreamt I was piercing my own ear. I was facing a mirror but didn’t looked at my face, only at my ear. I was holding a shiny needle metal then as I closed my eyes, I penetrated the metal through my skin. I didn’t felt any pain. But strangely, I felt my cheek was compelled to move whenever I move the needle. When I opened my eyes I saw on the mirror that it has gone under my skin. It is indside my right cheek! calmly, I pulled the niddle slowly but it took some seconds for me to find out how long the niddle was. It was about 7 inches! But soon as I removed it from my skin, blood squirted out fast uncontrollably! Wake. I was aWaken by my own scream.

Wednesday - I intentionally came home late to prevent from falling asleep. Then I had a light sleep that lasted only less than 4 hours. So either I didn’t dream of anything or didn’t remember my dream when I woke up. Then went to work.

Thursday - I found myself in a yellowish house. Everything I see are in shades of yellow gold and brown. Then I realized I was holding a bottle of holy water. In front of me was a girl hanging from the ceiling. Half her body was stuck to the wall, half was on the ceiling. She was inverted in a way that her tangled long hair drifts almost over me. Her skin was pale, rotten and grotesque. Her white clothes soiled by mud, dirt and dried blood. She had an angry stare beaming to me, saliva dripping from her wide evil grin.

I then dashed her with the holy water, dashing non-stop while I was murmuring chants I am not familiar of. She screams and laughs like metal screeching by every drop of water to her skin, burning her and I smell rotten flesh oozing by the smoke. Suddenly she jumped to me! I felt her weight, felt her wet skin. She was so heavy, it was choking me. Wake.

I woke up sweating. The sun lighting my whole room. It was 4:00 in the afternoon. I never slept after that and waited for the time until I need to go to work.

Friday - I went to my colleague’s house after work. We talked about my strange dreams and let the time pass. I arrived home at around 2:00 thinking I won’t have to suffer those nightmares if I sleep short again.

I fell asleep thinking of not dreaming. Then I saw myself in my room with a bigger bed. Beside me was a male friend younger than me. He was asleep. By the floor I saw 2 other guys sleeping. Then one stood up, it was Mr. Bad News! He was calling me whispering that we should transfer to another room. I refused because I don’t want to wake up the others. And I saw that the other one sleeping beside him was My Moogie! Then he woke up and called to me. I followed him then we went to the other room while my arms wrapped around his right arm. Mr. Bad News got frustrated!

While Moogie and I were cuddling in a couch, Mr. Bad News suddenly burst out of my room! And tried to stab me! I saw his unspeakable empty stare that was all too familiar. His eyes darted to mine sending me chills to my spine! I felt my whole body numb and stiff. He tried to attack, but there were alot of people around. They all yelled and prevented him to move close to us. The mob blocked him and I was screaming with fright! Crying while my hands covered my face both from shame and sadness. Wake.

I woke up with tears in my eyes. I hugged my pillow so tight. Then I opened my radio and listened to the first CD I could get my hands on. I opened it real loud but I couldn’t hear the tune and the song. I just know that something was playing but I don’t understand. I was listening to emptiness while I stare to my blue ceiling until the sun has set.

Then I heard a knock to my door. It was time for me to get ready to go to work.

Weekend now just passed, and no nightmares yet. So far…

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photo credits: (in order of appearance)
+ “falling elevator” by Tsunami Notes
+ untitled by p.h.y
+ “crucified” by Confusedvision
+ untitled by Sasha Prince

There comes a time when books become our refuge to change one’s perception on an idea, or even, to the extreme, one’s perspective in life. Yes, there are books that entertain you but nonetheless leave you still where you were before reading it.

But there will always be that one book where it will touch you so deep you gotta have a copy of it, even if you already have read it. That book moved you so much you just gotta share it.

In almost the same time as I was reading the “Story of O”, by Pauline Réage [wiki], a colleague recommended “Eleven Minutes” by Paulo Coelho.

Knowing he is the author of that famous novel The Alchemist, made me not listen to this recommendation at first. But the mention of “yellow” as saying “lessen the pain” and “red” as saying “stop” indicated that indeed this novel is quite different from the popular ones the masses would easily bite into. A touch of sadism and sadomasochism gave a spice to a conventional love story. This made me not judge the book by its author’s popularity (which I am guilty of always doing).

Months have passed after I last heard of this controversial book. It was borrowed by another colleague who eventually ran away with her lover and left the company. The owner was on leave the day I found his book on his table, so I got it with no intention of bringing it home. I only planned on browsing through it, as I assumed it was just another novel to let me pass the time.

As another of my habit on judging a book, I always base the plot or the way of writing by the first paragraph. Yes, it is quite undignified to always read the first paragraph of a book before deciding to buy it or settle on spending time reading it. But that’s how I am. If the lines were boring, or badly written, or simply not my taste, I would close the book and move on. They say don’t judge a book by its cover. Well, the cover is simply not the thing that would make me look twice on even holding a book. The title of the book would play that role. I simply judge a book by its first paragraph.

Anyway, going back with this particular novel, the twist of a childish fairy-tale-hopeless-romantic-conventional first line with a modern fringe made me want to continue. So let me quote..

Now that’s something that stirred my curiosity cup!

Actually, as I was reading in between the pages of this novel, I came across a part where the heroin in the story wrote in her diary about a pebble thrown by the lake. This entry inspired me to write a short story which I inevitable gave the title “The Pebble”. Although this is supposedly based on the novel, the lines are (let me say it) too personal for me to publish or even let anyone read. Maybe in time…

Or maybe in another blog? Hehe.. (now that I have to remind myself in making)

Anyway, let me just recommend this book to those who are actually looking for another way of releasing those tensions the unconventional way. The psychological mix of Maria as a prostitute, an innocent girl, a femme fatale, an understanding mother, a woman, as a dreamer and a realist, with the awareness that the author is non-female is thought-provoking. Men are no different from women. Women just tend to be more emotional and expressive. But we all have that common outlook in life (some simply either hide it or deny it) – finding the one who will perfectly love us despite our imperfections.

This book did not entirely change my outlook in life, but it somehow made me think that dreams only cater the unexplainable. And in reality, a miracle is having one happy day of realizing our dream. It’s just a matter of seeing, feeling and accepting what life has to offer.

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photo credit: “DOMINATION” by maldonadophoto.com

The first comp erotic chat.
It started with a forwarded sms…

Boy: “Daddy? How did I come into this world?”
Dad: “listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, Dad connected to Mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from Dad’s memory stick. When Dad finished uploading we discovered we did not use a firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus”

Geek Girl: maybe someday you will have to use this for an answer too. hehehe when your kid ask
Geek Guy: hope that dad is allowed to upload more! because the memory capacity of mom is endless hehe
Geek Girl: well as long as mom’s cache is not loaded
Geek Guy: tssk!
Geek Girl: well mine isn’t loaded. and you just need to click refresh
Geek Guy: white as the google start page i give hehe
Geek Girl: well hmm.. should i disable my firewall then? but still think we need the anti-spyware. dont want others to watch us
Geek Guy: hope at least one program more is made. with my input and your transforming caring attention it must be a wonderful product
Geek Girl: mmm yes and not a virus
Geek Guy: but we sure need fans! to prevent overheating… imagine how much damage that can cause
Geek Girl: ohh yeah and especially when we tend to be so hot. might overheat. and a fuse might explode!
Geek Guy: yeah! so open your drive babe
Geek Girl: ohh love to feel the explosions inside
Geek Guy: let me fill it with a full cd
Geek Girl: no need to click a button? maybe that button is waiting to be touched by those fingers
Geek Guy: no time to waste lets startup! read my cd honey or scan it with your hot beam…
Geek Girl: ohhh i feel your cd circling inside mmmm
Geek Guy: lazer my numbers..
Geek Girl: 10111010101110101010001010111
Geek Guy: read my 1 and 0 and hummm then you feel they match as my numbers, harmony with your warm inside reader
Geek Girl: its all penetrating from my 0 and your 1
Geek Guy: but i haven’t injected you yet my ink is still in the cartridge. let me print that white paper
Geek Girl: well don’t spill the ink on the hardware
Geek Guy: dont stop caressing the inject mouth it might get full
Geek Girl: ohh i wont stop. mixing the ink so deep cant wait to taste that white product
Geek Girl: mmmm and how i love that on button its red. and i can hear the bzzzzzzttt bzzzzzttt of the printer now
Geek Guy: i love to caress that shiny warm round light. sometimes you almost see the fingerprints
Geek Girl: you tickle me
Geek Guy: i make my finger moist and rub it. i hear the fan hummm and hummm
Geek Girl: don’t stop and the screen flashes its hyper-threading seven times faster than non-HT
Geek Guy: as you take that stick in, and suck all its info out of it
Geek Girl: slooow downloads fast uploads. well I’m dial up and your DSL thats why. but let it hang a bit. love to feel the warmth inside while it stops.
Geek Guy: still we have such a perfect connection
Geek Girl: and after a few seconds move your cursor up touch my red X. click the X babe its still there.. it hang so click it some more
Geek Guy: oooh babe let me give all the data i have
Geek Girl: double click while your uploading
Geek Guy: XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
Geek Girl: xxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxx
Geek Girl: 90% complete now… mmmm 92.. 94
Geek Girl: mmmmmm 96 cummminnn
Geek Girl: 99%
Geek Girl: oohhh Over heat! beep beep beep!
Geek Guy: release data. circuits vibrating. fans on topspeed
Geek Girl: now time to save
Geek Guy: a blanc hard disc space is filled now. let me stay a while, my role is out you do the translation now
Geek Girl: no time for blue screens. and drive is opening to let the cd out
Geek Guy: or an erased HD, now even windows will work on me again
Geek Girl: safely remove hardware now. oh, it’s wet!
Geek Guy: ooooh leaking valubale data be careful. let me plug out
Geek Girl: then time to lick those.. no data should be wasted
Geek Guy: time to turn the switch. but i really hope we are connected soon again!
Geek Girl: well we can reconnect now.. download a second time
Geek Guy: let me put a safe cover over the comp to protect it against dust and dirt. i still feel that warmth.. in my box
Geek Guy: what you didn’t know i read your disc too i installed a little secret program that transfered valuable info about your circuits
Geek Girl: so now that secret program might grow in a few months time?
Geek Guy: i can monitor your moves how you tread things. but i hope my data result in that!
Geek Girl: well don’t worry I’ll take care of the data with all my power supply and protect it with the best anti-virus from Cnet
Geek Guy: I know! but be sure to put the comp off now and then to much other programs running could slow the growth of more valuable programs
Geek Girl: ohh i wont multi-task too much if thats needed! and no porn sites for you that has pop-ups. its gonna disturb the growing program
Geek Guy: you have the sweetest motherboard thats for sure! all those sweet connections those various thingies which i don’t know the english name for… but its all in one perfect harmony

And the file transfer was unqueued the second time…
short circuits.
system overload.
crash…

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photo credit: “Geek girl on the bedroom” by: Liberoliber