Neko

  Exactly a year ago was the last comment posted on an entry I wrote entitled “…being single sucks” well, well, a year have passed now, and do I have an answer to that? So, does it? Or does it not?

Strangely, I wrote it in significance of the date I posted it at Twisted. [note that everytime I mention “Twisted” meant its my other blog, ok. pls refer to the links at the side] BUt that day have passed this year without me even noticing it. Well, that’s a good sign actually. Er, not for a memory gap tho, but for the fact that I have totally recovered from a grief that have surpassed my life.

Yes, I am getting mellow-dramtic here. It’s just that time of year where one realizes that after the passing of another year, when reflecting to what have happened in recent years, the question also lingers… what have I done with my life?

Hmm.. maybe this is what they call birthday blues.

Or yet, maybe, I just lack some sleep! I’ve been having insomnia attacks for the past few days now. To define, it’s different from what I call “the velvet syndrome” where one experiences the cross between having a panic-attack and laziness. (ok, now imagine how is that - i leave it to your own disgression)

The insomnia attacks I’m having, I noticed, are those times where I only have 2-3 hours of sleep a day and manages to survive throughout the night.. making about 200-300 calls per night, meaning 8 hours shift. And for the last 2 days, we even have overtime for 2 hours each day. So, a total of 10 hours calling non-stop, except for breaks, and short briefings. ANd even if it’s suppose to be a non-working Holiday on monday (US Labor Day), we have overtime on Saturday night, technically, just an offset of said day.. Tsk! I even have 2 colleagues who literally got sick. As in fever and extreme headaches! And it’s a miracle that I don’t feel any changes in my physical stability. Oha! Maybe, it’s gonna attack my mind! See, I think this post is getting further from my topic in the beginning… and I hope I’m still making sense here.

I’m waiting for my eyes to fall.. for my head to fall… to feel dizzy.. but none! And it’s already 4:30 in the afternoon, and I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours now. again!

My colleague who is taking up Law while working, is openly stating how envious she is with my insomnia. Well, I tell her she shouldn’t wish for it! Funny tho, that given that I’m having these lack of sleep, my eyes do not have eyebugs like that of most of my colleagues (who even manages to sleep 5-6 hours a day). Gee, imagine how some go home looking like zombies! Well, that’s what you get for working at graveyard shifts… It’s not called “graveyard” for nothing. Ha!

Life is like that here in Manila! Everything is so fast-paced. ONe minute your studying a project, the next you’re rusing for deadlines! And however often we tell ourselves that “there is life outside the workplace”, it just so happens that most of the time, the life outside would only be for sleep. Maybe that’s what my mind and body rejects and manifests to unaccept, making me have these insomnia attacks. (Gee, I should be a psychologist)

Anyway, to wrap up what I need to say, I came across this thought today…

The times they are a changing, as Bob Dylan says. You just need to wait a bit longer. In the end, it doesn’t matter how long (or fast) it took to get there, only that you arrived! But the question is, Where do you wanna go?

That, my dear readers, is what we should determine if not now, soon.

—
note: photo credit- Broken Wires 3 by iGrrl

SATURDAY 8AM. Back from work, went straight to bed, woke up at 11AM, noisy neighbors with voices echo in the house, opened my PC, full volumed my headset, experimented on a camera toss photo-turned-illo, posted at Twisted Thoughts.

2PM. A Balikbayan box arrived, came from my Grandparents, I got one of 2 packs of Pistachios, ate bread and banana, went to bed at 4, woke up at 7.

10PM. Another overtime at work. Jollibee for “lunch” (technically we call it lunch even if it’s 12 midnight), 19 complete calls for the shift, and a blocked internet acceess (unless you know the password, which is not such a secret to me, erm! Well, useless net access if you’re swamped, catching a deadline, with or without trying to crack the password).

SUNDAY 6AM. End of shift. I was introduced to a trainee whose father is a National Artist, showed her my Artworks online, (nothing compared to her oil paintings esp of her father! Gee.. I think I found a new friend), gave her my URL, promised to help her create a blog on Monday, gave her some of my pistachios.

8AM back at home. My sister showed her 6-Seasons-DVDs of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., made some tea, grabbed my pistachios and spinned the DVDs one at a time. Glued to my seat, watching, Laughing Out Loud for hours.

Noon. paused the player, 2-minute break to get food, back to the couch, clicked play, lauged until sunset. Last episodes, Rachel about to give birth, after Thanksgiving, Bradd Pitt as guest, Ross rollerblades while teaching, Phoebe dumped weird bf “santa-clause-on-prozac-in-Disneyland”.

24 hours awake. oopies. more than. makes one sound, like a robot. bleep bleep.

ok now im off to bed, my eyes couldnt take it anymore.

AND Lastly, this I wanna watch: (A great addition to the 10-cd box set of Billie Holiday that was given to me*.*)

IMDb Movie of the Day
She looked nothing like Billie Holiday and sang nothing like Billie Holiday, yet Diana Ross gave a phenomenal performance as the jazz legend in Lady Sings the Blues, a surprisingly effective biopic that heralded the former Supreme as a true screen presence. Loosely based on Holiday’s autobiography, the movie played fast and loose with the facts of Holiday’s life, so much so that many jazz fans, scholars and amateurs alike, cried foul at the absence of innumerable people who helped launch Lady Day’s career. At almost two and a half hours the movie was far too long, yet it was held together by the waiflike Ross, who received able support from Billy Dee Williams and a young Richard Pryor. Despite little resemblance to the woman she was portraying, Ross had one major thing in common with Holiday: star quality, and tons of it… read more>> [Movie of the Day Archive]

Today I came home past 5am. A few hours after the end of shift. I mentioned in a former post [read here] how my work, colleagues and the over-all ambiance of my work was so fun.. but today, a bad news slightly shook us, well half of us that is.

Due to our new campaign (or project), the floor was basically divided to two groups, to form a friendly competitive feel intended to add up our production for a day. We were having fun during calling, however difficult others see it, for one, I am with the group with the higher number of complete calls. But aside from that, some of us played a game to wake the sleepy and the bored, diverting our slowly-turning-to-zombie minds a.k.a. “compulsory-insomnia” from listening to voice mail boxes and disconnected lines.

When somebody whispers “this means war” it meant, somebody threw the first pencil eraser or a small rolled up pinch-size of paper. We had invented a war game! hehe… sneaking up miniature cannon balls over the cubes of callers. Unsuspecting or anticipating it, hitting the face, the forehead, or on cross-eyed throws: hitting nothing but the table or the floor! ha! at least it was an ice-breaker. And when someone completed a call we all threw him our “cannon balls”. It’s all against each other! Soldier against soldier! ha!! (well, ok, only about 5 of us from the same group) And on the first day, a couple of hours before the end of shift, 2 from the other group joined in. It was like this for only a few days til now. Yeah, so “high school” huh. And when it’s break time, we call it a “ceasefire”.

And yep, we know there are cameras looming over us, who cares! we have more complete calls, there is nothing to protest about. And one would only do it if he is sleepy or sees another who is.

But today, one ’soldier’ met his contract’s end. He didn’t pass the final evaluation and after 6 months with us, he didn’t become a regular employee.

He was a good man. He was helpful and a friend you can really count on, even outside the office. A foolish-romantic but loyal, both to his girl, and to his friends. Too bad for the company I know they just lost a good caller. But not too bad for him, for it opens new doors for opportunity, maybe he’ll even get that music break he always wanted! Who knows!

“One man down, a good soldier out”

But here is a salute to his integrity as a friend, a colleague and a soldier.
Goodbye Brother! We will miss you and your crazy cool antics!

And a few days from now, a new batch of colleagues will have their evaluation. I wish them the best!

—
note: during my absence in the blogsphere, I too underwent that evaluation, and luckily, I passed. So here I am, assured to have no nights at home except on weekends. (meaning no free internet connection after midnight - sniif especially now that my moogie*.* is back at his homebase) Oh well, at least I got a raise! Tho still, I’d rather talk to him. OK, now that’s another story.

—
note: is the video player showing? if not, or if too small, just go here and watch a tribute to Syd showing pics of him while Wish You were Here plays on the background: [youtube]

A poem I posted on January 08, 2005 while I was listening to the albums The Madcap Laughs, Opel and Barrett, when I was in my dark-sided days, when I was half the way down, Soaring with Syd Barrett came to mind today. Then I remembered, yeah, it is exactly a month since his death.

It’s a habit of me to bring out old records to soothe my agony, as I remember those days when I used to light up some doobey and lock myself in my room. It used to feel like I could stay there in my room for all eternity, but then again after the kick wares out, I realize that it’s only been a day or two. Anyway, that remote feeling of peace, happiness and tranquility (although temporary), without minding and laughing at the mess of my room, my mind flying into deep unknowns, floating with music, laughing more, write, write, paint draw and write some more then laugh at it all… somewhat causes different trips depending on mood… oh, well, but I was not into other trips than that. Ok, sometimes eating too much like there is no tomorrow.. heh!

They said those who were hooked with Pink Floyd was once hooked with doobey too. That’s judgmental. But hey, do I know anyone who wasn’t? But unlike LSD, or acid, that was a once-legal pharmaceutical, it causes euphoria, flights of almost tangible fancy, hallucinations, and on the downside, somewhat depressing and harrowing trips. And according to Of Syd Barrett, Psychedelia and Psilocybin, “…By 1966, the drug had been criminalized as it was by then the party favor of choice for hippy kids and swingers of all stripes, including Barrett. Barrett became an acid casualty. A man so consumed by the inward journey the drugs led him on that he soon became unable to function in his role as bandleader and songwriter for Pink Floyd…”

The article was fairly well written, but in protest to just these particular statement about Syd, I found the interview of Syd’s sister, Rosemary, in her first interview for 30 years.

The ‘crazy diamond’ founder of Pink Floyd was no acid casualty or recluse. He loved art and DIY, his sister Rosemary tells his biographer Tim Willis… [read the rest of the article]

Another interview that I recall reading years back was with Ian Barrett, the 22 year old nephew of ‘Syd’ (well that was in 2000). It was reproduced on the Dolly Rocker web site.

Art of Syd Barrett. And I’m pretty sure there is more artwork that he has done which is currently hidden from the public. And I am definite that someday, even his art will be well known.

Surfing I found links photos, and even vids of him, and Pink Floyd (none for live performance tho) Here is Spirits of a Generation - a show about Nick Drake and Pink Floyd Documentary.

Photos of him are of course, part of information and a fan’s collection. But I still think that taking stolen shots of a person preferring to live in anonymity is still a violation upon a person. I found collected photos of him in recent years here, with a mix of stolen shots and news articles, even photos of his house: [neptune pink floyd gallery]

A question tho, also found in neptune’s site, at first glance, I thought they didn’t mention who she was in this Mick Rock Garden Session… but she definitely looked Asian to me…

… But then, I saw a photo note that it was either Mick Rock’s girlfriend or wife. hmm… And I almost thought it’s another unpopular Lennon-Ono pair. Ok, I’m not on dope here… heh!

My cd just coincidently currently plays the outtakes, bonus tracks from Madcap Laughs, that’s why… Yes I’m thiiii-iiii-iiin-king of this yes I am… hold you tiii-iiiiight you’re so close yes you are please hold on to the steel rail… he isn’t love on sunday’s mail… Did I wiiii-iiii-iiiinking of this I am, yum yummy yam dope yummy yhum yam yum hah! love that voice and humor!

But his shift from humor and wit, to deep lyrics, sincere, dark and melancholic adding the melodies of his guitar, creates a hero in disguise. Words to hang on to who seemed to understand what you’re going through and takes you to a ride to flee from it all, and remain in wanderment. In a way, Syd and his music was a friend, a guardian who helped me hang on, trip, cry and laugh out your madness and miseries away. This will never reach him, but THANK YOU SYD! You will always be remembered… and you shall continue to shine on, you crazy diamond!

If Nick Drake’s sister, Gabrielle said “I personally prefer to think Nick committed suicide, in the sense that I’d rather he died because he wanted to end it than it to be the result of a tragic mistake. That would seem to me to be terrible: for it to be a plea for help that nobody hears.”

So too do I think that for Syd Barrett.

—–
more links:
The Syd Barrett Archives
Pink Floyd Official Site
BBC News: Syd Barrett dies age 60
Collected links: Look At This

related site:
official site for Nick Drake