Neko

current music: Hugo Largo - Drum (listen to a track 6, “Country“. Tho pls info me if the link doesnt work or give a free download)

“Mimi’s voice conjures up a long plummet through white light and space. It’s like a parachutist still in free fall, who seems briefly weightless and adrift in an ocean of air.” -Melody Maker

The first song that I heard from Hugo Largo was “Fancy” - their cover of the Kink’s classic. But that time I didnt knew it was a cover. Her ethereal and dark mood caught my attention, adding the simple yet mysterious lyrics. Up until now, the last line haunts me. “No one can penetrate me, They only see what’s in their own fancy, always.” The first time it struct me, it conveys exactly how I feel. And this lived to become my motto. (Read the full lyrics here)

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I feel this is going to be a long post.

The thing is, one would know if I am not in my best mood, when I listen to Hugo Largo on repeat mode.. It just soothes me to listen to music that reflects how I feel, that I wont stop until I felt better. And yes, I just have to admit I was listening to this half the night, while waiting to talk to someone *.* online. I must say, that after that I felt so much better. And the remainder of the night turned out to be wonderful after all.

Today, well, technically, yesterday, I was suppose to go to three places. First, an out-of-town weekend with my family, second, watch a local play, and third go to a night swimming party hosted by one of my colleagues.

My colleague is leaving the company and that is like her farewell party. Too bad I wasnt there. And too bad I didnt know her that long. She’s one of the funniest sweetest girl at work. And could have been a good mentor too. I saw her cry when saying goodbye to some colleagues last friday. It was her last day, and the office can’t change her mind to stay. Last week also, another veteran called tendered her resignation. She was a bit close to me. And shared some little secrets with me too. We were all surprised at her sudden plan. But, let’s just say, when people move on to better opportunities, and greener pastures, nobody has the right to prevent nor stop it.

Since I had my present job, I almost can’t imagine that I used to be depressed. I was busy all the time, both on or offline, I was enhancing my potentials that I didnt notice I had before, and when I come home I have no time to think into emptiness coz after playing with Irvine, I’m so tired, I immediately fall asleep soon as my back touches the softness of my bed.

But today, despite all my plans, call it sheer (bad) luck, my friend who planned to take me to that play, wasn’t able to buy tickets. I said I’d follow my family to the hotel where they’d stay ‘coz I was going to the swim party. But eh, plans didnt push thru coz I wasnt able to wake up on time. I got left by the rented van and nobody strangely replied to my sms’s.

I wasnt able to eat dinner on time and I’m just lazy to cook for myself. So I called several pizza shops to order food for delivery. But strangely, none of them is open past 11 pm. So settled on burgers. I managed to call one but the minimum price for delivery was too much for one meal so I needed to add more just to reach it. So I ordered bacon cheezeburger melt, baked potato with beefy cheese, a veggie salad and coke-in-can.

Past midnight a surprise came. Remember that friendster friend? I heard a knock on my gate that almost scared me, thought it was a ghost. Well, a ghost from the past indeed. He was there, and a car behind him. Apparently, he was with 3 friends but they insisted on staying in the car. He just said he’d like to drop by say hi and just give me a Blueberry cheezecake and greentea yogurt freeze. Woah my faves! He still remembered… But, his visit was so sudden that I didnt know if I should be glad on seeing him or should close the door on him. But for good gesture, I let him in. He just stayed for 5 minutes (or less). Asked how I was, where I’m working, told a little about where he is now. Then asked me if I was happy with my life. I said yes, but with a doubtful tone. Not because I was doubting my answer but because I was wondering why he asked me that. But he was really on a hurry and just wanted to give the cake to me. I asked what the occasion was, he said “nothing” just add him to my friends at friendster. Pff! He asked to take one pic of me with him, on his mobile, I got paranoid. But ok, nothing’s wrong with a pic I thought. I wanted to ask, Did you make a dare with your friends? Coz you smell like you drank. but I just kept silent. Then he left and promised to visit me again. I didnt know what to say, but just thank him for the gift. I felt I got that confused troubled look on my face.

Soon as he left, I called the burger shop coz its almost 2 hours and nobody came yet. They apologized, said my location was out of their service area, so I should wait. Then the delivery man called. He got lost and asked for landmarks near my place. After some minutes he arrived. I paid him then went inside. Some neighbors were strangely on the street (I never noticed them out this late before). My paranoia level went up some more. Were they wondering who just visited me with the noisy boom boom car? And why that time and that short? And why is he wearing shades? At night? And what’s up with delivery at past midnight? Well, some neighbors can start stories you know. But that didnt worry me much.

The thing is, who’s gonna eat all these food? And much cheese I realized too. I changed the cd on my player from Slowdive to Fieldmice. Took one bite from the baked potato, sipped my greentea halfway. Then lost appetite. Sat on the floor, looked into emptiness. And listened… “To her decision, she’s gone, she have decided to leave, if someone were to ask me, I’d say its remarkable, that she has stayed this long…” (from Landmark) Then I started to cry. Suddenly, I felt so alone. Looking at all these food, feeling the silence of the house, staring at my pc (wasn’t open that time), listening to Fieldmice.

Why am I crying? I don’t know. It was a burst of feelings from deep inside. I realized how superficial things are. People come and go. And not all expectations can be met. I dunno it was like a bolt of thoughts raced in my mind. What have I done for the past nine years? What am I doing? Where am I heading? And am I truly happy?

I stopped to think. I didnt answer my own questions. I just stared into the space between me and the wall. And tears continually flow slowly from my eyes til it was almost swollen. “Another late night back from the other side of the world, it’s been a long long day… I want to go see her and tell her what I’ve done.. thinking are we, are we passing up something we, something we should know. This friendship is, this friendship is, forever and ever.. and to break it up not ever, break it up not ever.” (from Star of David) I stopped the player after that song. My eyes searched the room.. for nothing in particular. Then I switched cds again. This time, I played Hugo Largo. I stopped crying after the 3rd song, Fancy. Then I continued to eat the baked potato and opened my pc. He wasnt there yet. So I waited… and waited… and willing to wait some more… I will wait til you come…

Then he came. And all turned out better now. It was just a lapse, a slight slide from my focus. Or was this bizarre day just pointing to one direction still? Despite all things passing by, only proves who I know would stay. And who I know sees what’s on my mind; what’s in me.

So, yes, no one can penetrate me, they only see what’s in their own fancy… but not anymore.

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music notes: Whatever happened to Hugo Largo and Mimi Goese? Read here>>
Where is The Field Mice? Read their story at shinkansen. Or a review of their reissues

current music: Bob Marley - Wait in Vain

You Are a Soy Latte

At your best, you are: free spirited, down to earth, and relaxed At your worst, you are: dogmatic and picky You drink coffee when: you need a pick me up, and green tea isn’t cutting it Your caffeine addiction level: medium

Yeah while waiting for a download to complete, I blog hop around and update a post on Irvine’s diamond sky. Gee, I don’t wanna protest against this meme… heee! It’s amazing how accurate they turn out most of the time.

Listening to this song made me wonder.. how would a Weed Latte taste? hmm…mmm…

HA! ok, it’s not a me-me Generator.

Well have you ever been named names that didn’t really insult you? Well, my colleagues have this habit of giving names. Well, if you would remember I also gave them names too haa… of course I am fair enough to state their opinion about me. So, here is a peek of what they used to call and presently call me.

Hardcore - NOOO! not that pron thing! tssk (intentionally misspelled- lol) .. well this only used for Callers who topped the most number of complete calls for the day. and there’s a “super” or “consistent” added as prefix if it’s consecutively more than one day. That, I wasn’t named yet tho.

Addict - this is what they will call you when your eyes start to fall (due to the sleepy dust sprinkled over you by peter pan) that you almost fly and still continue to call. And miraculously complete a call, despite of being far-out! haaa!

Babe - yay! not that movie! haaa! well, is it? hehe.. It came from one of snow white’s “companions” (you know.. snow white and..) Anyway, he’s fond of using this name. Maybe he likes that movie, huh!

Angel - nope. not that entity with wings and halo. fangs maybe. black angel? dark angel? angel of death? or angel fish? ha! mmm Something Fishy! yes, we love to go there!

Saviour - nope, not the one crucified on the cross to save us all. Just someone who saved a wee-spender who realized next pay day will not come for 2 more weeks and chooses not to ride a bike to work.

Goldilocks - yes, the character from that fairy tale and the mascot from that Bake Shop! Originally came from that IT who said he’d replace the smiley sticker *.* on my ID to one of Goldilocks’. Coz they claimed “the girl with that hair of curls” pff! Eh, would I rather be Goldilocks than Pippi Longstocking? haaa… (sorry lazy to find a link for that)

Yeah yeah, feel free to laugh. Now wait ’til I get my revenge! bwahaha!

Just kidding.

Now, I’m off to bed. Gotta save energy for the painting gig tonight.

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But before I go to the World’s Longest Painting - Opening (details here),
why doncha browse over My Weekend Art (Part 2) Compilation:
(Please feel free to invade these blog posts! )

Group	Illo Friday	Photo Friday	B&W Photo Challenge
3 Weeks Ago
2 Weeks Ago
Last Week
This Week

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notes: All links open in a new window.

Check back later for progress report.

Yes! I’m talking about our BIG Client at work. The project is finally done! Over! Capish! After those growling hours of over-time, 10 hours work a day and having no exceptions for weekends! ohhh.. pfew….

Maybe it’s high time to relax if you may ask? well, hmm.. not really. After that letterI made, and receiving a “denied” mark, due to having an “insufficient” letter erm.. I had the guts to apply of an open position at work! lol. Well, it’s a challenge, and I have nothing to lose anyway.

Only less than half of those who applied will be taken tho. And the job is a bloody one! Coz it’s what one may call “behind the scene” things. If being an Agent/Caller is the backbone, let’s say this position is the nerve cells. Ha! You get the picture…

Yesterday was the last day of filing for the Letter of Intent. Then without warning, they announced today that they’d be calling the Top 6 Qualified Applicants for the interview. Then the floor was full of whispers screening all applicants. (I did not mention that I applied tho) We made bets on who are those six. Ok, experience-wise, I didn’t vote for me (not even in my head). Eh with so many applicants, I didn’t think I’d be among the best. So here goes what my Moogie *.* said, crawling in my head… “it’s all in you”

One hour left before logging out, it all slipped out of my mind. I just concentrated on calling, and not dropping my head from falling asleep. This is the first time I felt sleepy. (yeah, coz I lack sleep yesterday) Anyway, funny, but there is some kind of ecstasy or a higher level of consciousness when you feel sleepy at the same time you wake yourself with a jolly voice talking on the phone… yeah, I know, I’m weird. (ok skip this paragraph)

Then after completing a call, I was still writing on the forms when the announcement was made! I was needed at the Director’s office! Oh my, this is it!I thought. Then they cheered! My Team Leaders tapping my back, cheering and teasing me on.. and my surprised colleagues who thought I didn’t sign (coz I claimed I did not) cheered “Go, Velvet!” (ok, they said my real name that time. ha!)

I have this “thing” with interviews. It was a known fact that all the job applications I applied for (except for my last one, which do not require an interview), I pass the screenings, exams, hands-ons, but when it comes to the “final interview”, I fail. And a fear grew in me after a while. But since this time, I thought I had no chance to be among the top 6, it was almost impossible, but knowing now that I am - I smiled my way to the office, with confidence.

The interview went smooth, spontaneous, and fun. That’s all that matters to me now. I didn’t feel nervous, not one bit. And it was just a casual, fun interview. I felt comfortable and I think I succeeded in making the panel comfortable with me too. That’s plus points, coz they are the ones I will be dealing with everyday - just in case. I was sincere in my answers, and of course, let them hear what they wanna hear too… in a smooth way. hehe..

When I went back on the floor, they all asked me how it went. It was such an uplifting feeling.. hearing all those positive response. I have never felt so appreciated like this before. Yeah, as for those who know me during the early days of Twisted, I was a dark loner who crawls up in one corner, and never spoke with anyone. Well, thanks to my inspiration *.* who helped me stand up and see things in a brighter light..

So now, the results will be announced on Tuesday next week. Honestly, if I do not pass, it’s ok. To overcome another fear, and to feel this good, is satisfying enough.

And yeah, the last song syndrome I acquired today was Slowdive’s Alison. In between dialed numbers, I hum and sing in my head this song. dunno why tho… again. Weirdness will never escape me 8D

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photo credit: “Bow” by El Ray
Cameratoss - Photos created by throwing an old camera around various light sources!

oh really now.. too bad my techie moogie isn’t home to help me.

ok, first things first, once in a while, these strange pop ups invade my screen. Yeah, eventhough I use Mozilla. I thought it was from Blogexplosion Rent my Blog site, but nope. Even long after I logged off, it still shows! Grr.. and irritating too..

“Failure to Act now may lead to data loss and corruption” ? OK, I need a logical explanation for this.

Made a screenshot of it… and yep, I don’t wanna go to the sites stated coz I’m afraid they’d invade my pc with virus instead. Yeah, they might be posing to fix a non-existent error lures you to download a virus that will then create more and real problems.

Or maybe I’m just paranoid. My investigative instincts felt like not looking further tho. What if there is a real prob to my pc? Now, think I should update my browsers officially.

Gonna check now. More later..

If you are familiar or a regular visitor to my other blog, Twisted Thoughts… you’d notice some changes there. I have joined a couple of Photo Groups, aside from my regular Illo Friday entries.

This weekend, I am left alone (online that is) and even though I am advised *.* not to face the pc all day, I thought - ok, I’ll face the pc all night then! hihi

It’s Holy week in the PH (and other Catholics around the world celebrate this), and it’s “Fasting and Abstinence” for all. Meaning - avoid worldly pleasures. The hardcore Catholics literally avoid just food and erm (sex). Is that what they only consider pleasurable? pff…

Well one pleasure of mine is being infront of the pc. (includes writing, painting, editing photos, and having those intellectual conversations late into the night) So since the most important “pleasure” is sacrificed this weekend, I might as well do the others. hihi - its painting, writing and editing ok! tssk…

So going back to my weekly joined groups, latest of which is Black and White Photo Challenge.. I am still waiting for the topic for next week. I think they post it every Sunday. This week’s topic was “Architecture“. You can view my entry here: Open, Wide, Space

Next one is Photo Friday. It’s the counterpart of Illo Friday in photos. You get the point. Anyway, last week’s topic was “Organized“. View my entry here: Fruit Shop. This week’s topic is “Full“. So that’s my “first thing to do”.

Now for Illustration Friday. Last week’s topic was “Speed“. View my entry here: When Time Stops. This week’s topic is “Spotted“.

View Irvine’s abstract entry here: Hiding (IF post no. 93). Please give him a hug!

I was kinda expecting an “Easter” topic or maybe bunnies lol. well easter for me is a new beginning. So i kinda made a poem for that. Well, anyway let’s see what my illo would look like, maybe I can still use that poem.

Now, here’s an experiment. A summary of things to do and have done for my blogs:

Group	2Weeks	Last Week	This Week
Illo Friday
.Photo Friday.
B&W Photo Challenge

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notes: All links open in a new window.
Check back later for progress report.

ok now I have this idea! what if I make a chart like this every month? What do you think?

Ooeps! I forgot to contribute postys on Self Portrait Tuesday! AAhh… this is going to be a looong weekend!

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone’s obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

WThe….!

really now? hihi…

  
Still do not know what the outcome of my letter would be. (See previous post) And still do not know what to paint for the longest painting.

And last night, my brother went to my office to give me my mobile phone which I left at home (no use of it anyway~phones off on the floor) And to ask me where I placed the digital cam. I totally lost track of the date and what’s happening that I forgot today was the flight of my sister to the US. Geesh! that’s what you get for having night shifts and sleeping all day! I wasn’t even able to hug her and wish her a safe journey and happy trip! Pff…

And now to add a little spice to my trouble at work - 1) while my brother was on the floor (do not know if visitors are allowed up to “our” floor), 2) I was talking to my dad on the mobile phone and 3) I was speaking in Tagalog! (And we have an “All English Policy” at work!) My non-Tagalog speaking American Boss passed by! A triple oh my.. oh my.. OMG!

He passed by without warning and I didnt know if I should turn off the phone, throw it to my brother or to the front desk attendant or on the floor. Or close it pretend to rub my ears and abruptly speak in English and tell my brother to act as a “gay” (so as not to misinterpret that he is my boyfriend visiting in the middle of the night - gee it was 3am! who would visit at that time?!)

Yikes! No feedback yet but hmm.. looking forward to a pleasant, yes - pleasant, Monday!

I just hope my boss do not know my name, didnt remember my face or got hit in the head and had selective amnesia and totally forgot what happened over the weekend!

hihi.

Chiao! gotta dive in to bed now…

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photo credit: “Cross my fingers” by digitallove

My plans for this pic i made was make a poem or a prose. even thought of contributing this to PhotoFriday’s topic “metallic”.. well its a metal swing pfff maybe later..

when i saved this to flickr i renamed it “abandoing the past” but let’s just say i am just presently abandoning My present…

gee.. for starters.. a thing about my wonderful job is that not everything should be wonderful. In different culures, they see this as “slavery” in the 21th century!

Well, having mandatory overtime everyday for two hours.. and add full shifts on saturdays.. *sigh* now we are not allowed to get sick!

Yes, being in a six month probationary status (yeah, beacause I’m new) doesnt qualify me to have “leave credits”, making any absent - for whatever reason - unexcused! And first offense is… grounds for termination!!! Gee.. what if i really am that sick! You want me to call even if i vomit off the tables?? Well, it would be nicer if we have a clinic in the building then! Or a first aid kit somewhere… I have encountered employees who literally vomited or bleed their noses the night off… what a feast! well ok the only remedy was to go to the toilet. We have lots of tissue! bring your own pain relievers.. bring your own pail relievers… you know pail - for the vomits. eeew

Ok, ranting my remaining minutes away.. I feel like I’m in a ticking bomb.. and my formerly 24 hours due is cut down to now only 7 hours. well taking into consideration that I am expected to report for work like hmm.. 2 hours from now.. and still I can’t decipher how to make this letter I am required to write.

Ahhh!!! Panic. Panic.

I knew I shouldn’t have slept and made the letter instead!

sometimes I wish I was a full metal robot…